I left school because I wasn’t ready after high school. I had the brains for college. I was accepted to the Honors Program at the University of Michigan-Flint. I was invited to train as a Writing Tutor as a freshman. I was plenty smart enough for college.
I wasn’t mature enough for college. My third semester, I took two E’s rather than face a professor and tell them I wanted to drop the class. When I went to class, I got A’s. That was my personal red flag: I had no idea what I was doing with my life, and I needed to figure it out before I wasted a LOT of money.
My friends often came to visit me at my place. One winter, we had a really heavy snow, so the only path to my front door went past the apartment door on the other side of the building. This wasn’t a warm winter. It had snowed furiously and fast with temperatures well below freezing. I say all of that to set up the glorious story of our snow-woman gift.
As my friends walked past my neighbor’s place, they saw his door was open. In the dead of winter. And he was sitting on his couch in view of the door. Buck. Ass. Naked.
How could we return such an unwanted gift?
We would make a magnificent snow-woman for my new neighbor’s enjoyment! Who doesn’t love a lovely woman crafted from snow? Her breasts were a little uneven and lopsided. We went for realism in our art. Always.
We snagged some boughs from the pine tree out front of my door for the arms. We found some stones for her eyes, but what to use for a nose? I didn’t have any carrots in my fridge.
But I had a jar of pickles!
Thus our beautiful girl was born.